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[FIC] Harry Potter and the Last of the Slashed-Up Canon [R] (DH Spoilers)

Title: Harry Potter and the Last of the Slashed-Up Canon
Author: J.K. Rowling (slashed by norton_gale)
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: R
Warning: Wandplay, premature spellcasting. DH spoilers.
Summary: Draco won't go without leaving Harry something to remember.
Word Count: ~1300
Disclaimer: All sentences in this fic were composed by J.K. Rowling from the seven books in the Harry Potter series, and are her intellectual property. I merely rearranged the text. No malice is intended by this posting, and no profit is sought. I believe in good faith that the following is a parody and subject to the fair use exception under applicable copyright law, but will immediately remove this post at the request of any of the authorized copyright holders. This fic will not be posted on any archives outside of LiveJournal.
Author’s Notes: Another gift fic for aldebaran1977 (coincidentally), who asked for a fic which primarily used text from Book 7. Sincere thanks to libby_drew for audiencing and a very helpful suggestion.

Additional fics in this series: Harry Potter and the Slashed-Up Canon and
It's Been a Very Weird Night, Harry Potter
.

Harry Potter and the Last of the Slashed-Up CanonCollapse )
aviator steampunk

[FIC] What Lies Beneath [NC-17]

Hi! Virgin post here - thanks again to arrmaitee for the invite to this comm. I'm going to post two short recent fics. Hope you get a laugh out of them, and any comments you care to give are ♥.

Title: What Lies Beneath
Author: norton_gale
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All characters are the copyrighted works of J.K Rowling. No profit was made by the writing of this story, nor was any malice intended in any way, shape or form to the author.
Warnings: PWP, OOC, general silliness
Summary: The final Horcrux is hidden in a very strange place indeed.
Word Count: ~ 1710.
Author Notes: Gift fic for aldebaran1977. The quote “It sounded medical and secret, but also important," is lifted from The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron (the kids' book made controversial by its casual use of the word scrotum). The title is stolen from a cheesy movie that I haven't seen.

He had seriously questioned the accuracy of the prophecy, but all signs indicated he was looking in the right place. And of all places, Draco Malfoy’s rectum was the last place he’d think to look.Collapse )
Crookshanks Words: Liddow

(no subject)

FIC: Epilogue
AUTHOR: arrmaitee
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Bloody hell!
FANDOM: Harry Potter
SHIP: Every SHIP imaginable
RATING: R
SUMMARY: SLASH! PARODY! You've all read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But for those who crave an unauthorized, uncensored view of what really happened during the final book’s epilogue - nineteen years after Harry's saucy, slashy romp at Hogwarts - read on…

(DH SPOILERS!)
Ravenclaw - Magpie

The Night Before

In the run-up to the release of DH, I've been thinking I should get off my arse and finish my own "final battle" fics.

Title: The Night Before (2/5)
Author: pica_scribit
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4445 (in progress)
Genre: Romance, drama, humour, angst
Characters: Ron, Hermione, Harry, Ginny
Pairing(s): Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, Neville/Harry/Ginny (implied)
Synopsis: What a few of the characters did on the night before the final battle.
Timeline: Spring 1998
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Please don't sue me.
Author's Note: Chapters take place simultaneously, and are therefore unnumbered. Feedback is my drug of choice. As usual, please report any errors or inconsistencies.

Excerpt:
He looked at the shiny square she offered him in puzzlement. "What is it?"

"It's a condom, Ron. It goes on your ... you know."

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh, for God's sake, Ronald! It goes on your penis!"

(Awkward)

Excerpt:
He usually felt strange wearing his glasses when he wore nothing else, but this time -- the first time -- he wanted to be able to see her perfectly. The way the lithe, pale shapes of her body moved beneath him. The curve of her small breasts as they filled his hands. The exquisite delicacy and detail of that beautiful, secret place between her thighs. The flush of her freckled cheeks as she gasped his name when he first entered her. The sweaty tangle of her copper-silk hair. But most of all, her eyes -- dark, excited, fearful, determined, beautiful -- locked with his own, hardly blinking, never looking away.

(Ready)
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    tired tired
Ravenclaw - Magpie

M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! 4/4

Title: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! - Part Four - The D.T.U.C.
Author: pica_scribit
Rating: PG-13 for sexual references, language and some violence
Word Count: 10168 (complete!)
Genre: parody, fandom mock
Characters: Madeleine Yaxley (OC), Maggie Lewis (OC), Marvola Elfynchyld (OC), Peter, Dumbledore, Special Agent Sam "Boggart" Humphries (OC)
Pairing(s): Remus/Maggie, Remus/Marvola, Peter/Madeleine
Synopsis: Maggie and Madeleine each try to get rid of the new girl at Hogwarts in their own way.
Timeline: September 1974
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Please don't sue me. Some of Agent Humphries' dialogue comes from the film The Maltese Falcon.
Author's Notes: The previous chapters now also include footnotes, which you may wish to backtrack and read, if you have not already. I would like to thank eskimosatan for allowing me to use the concept of the D.T.U.C. in my story. This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Humphry Bogart, a brilliant actor, who passed away fifty years and a couple of weeks ago. Feedback is my drug of choice. As usual, please report any errors or inconsistencies. My other stories can be found here.

[Part One] [Part Two] [Part Three]

(Part Four - The D.T.U.C.)
  • Current Mood
    geeky
Ravenclaw - Magpie

M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! - Part Three

Title: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! - Part Three: Glamour
Author: pica_scribit
Rating: PG for some language
Warnings: Chatspeak, abusive punctuation, pairings of characters who hate one another, excessive magical ability, textbook description of a 'Sue
Word Count: 1942
Genre: Crackfic, Fandom parody
Characters: Maggie (OC), Madeleine (OC), Marvola (OC), Peter, Remus, Sirius, James, Lily
Pairing(s): Remus/OC, Remus/'Sue OC, Peter/OC, James/Lily
Synopsis: Madeleine and Maggie scour the Hogwarts library looking for something that will help them in their battle against the too-perfect, thoroughly annoying new girl.
Timeline: September, Marauders' 5th year
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Don't sue me, please.
Author's Note: Parts One and Two can be found on my webpage. Feedback is my drug of choice. Please let me know if this gave you a giggle. As usual, please report any errors or inconsistencies.


(Glamour)
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    geeky
Ravenclaw - Magpie

M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! - Part Two

Title: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! - Part Two: Marvola
Author: pica_scribit
Rating: PG for allusion to sex and some language
Warnings: Chatspeak, anachronism, abusive punctuation, broken dress code, nauseating descriptions, gratuitous misspelling of "Voldemort", excessive magical ability, Sorting Hat's 'Sue song
Word Count: 2531
Genre: Crackfic, Fandom parody
Characters: Maggie (OC), Madeleine (OC), Louisa (OC), Marvola (OC), Hagrid, McGonagall, Remus, Sirius, James, Peter
Pairing(s): Remus/OC, Remus/'Sue OC, Peter/OC
Synopsis: A new girl arrives at Hogwarts. She's perfect. She's beautiful. She has curves in all the right places. Everyone loves her. Everyone except Madeleine and Maggie, that is.
Timeline: September 1, Marauders' 5th year
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Don't sue me, please.
Author's Note: Part One can be found here. Feedback is my drug of choice. Please let me know if this gave you a giggle. As usual, please report any errors or inconsistencies. This story is dedicated to babb_chronicles and all its giggle-inducing, inspirational badfic quotations.


(Marvola)
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    creative